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Posts Tagged ‘yelling’

A couple of days ago I read something that said “Try as hard as possible not to lose it with your kids. You’re all they have in the world.”

And, it really shook me. I can’t stop thinking about it.

I’m all they have in the world.

Jesus.

Because sometimes I hear this crazy woman yelling (like, full on YELLING) at her children for something so ridiculous. And, she’s me. But, it’s been 900 times that I’ve calmly mentioned the ridiculous little thing.  Please stop doing that.   Stop doing that.  I mean it, stop doing that now.

And, so the 901st time? I lose it a little.  More than a little.  And I yell.   And, I’m a pretty good yeller.

I’m all they have in the world.

Will they hear that banshee shriek over and over in their little brains, seemingly on replay like a mistreated DVD?   Will they remember that yell and think that their mother (for even that one instant), might not have loved them with every fiber of her being? That I wouldn’t lie down in traffic for them?  That they aren’t simply everything (everything.) to me?

Or, will they remember the snuggly Mom? The “tuck me into bed” Mom?  The one who can’t resist pulling them to me for a kiss and a hug as they stroll past me in the kitchen? Do they replay that Mom in their heads? The smiling, adoring me?

Or, the other one.

Lord, I hope it’s the “good” me. They deserve that me.

*sigh*

Parenting is so freakin’ hard.

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