Posts Tagged ‘sleep’

I love this season.  But, I also hate this season.  Because, my children turn from gentle early-ish risers to ohmygodchilditsthecrackofdawnstopcallingmefromyourcribandgobacktosleepNOW risers.

It’s brutal.

Husband’s been a little extra busy at work lately and regularly leaves before sunrise.  He dresses quietly by the light of our bathroom, kisses me goodbye and heads out.  Then, I snuggle back into bed “knowing” I have at least an hour or so before the kids get up.  At least, I had that last month.  This month?  Not-so-much.

Snuggle in, eyes closed.

Just.   starting.   to.   drift.   off.

Maaaaaaahhhhh-maaaaaaay!  I want to get up.

No.  Please, no.

Head into Little Brother’s room.  He’s standing up in his crib, peering around at me, little brown eyes hopeful.

Hi, Mommy!  I want to get up.

No, J.  It’s much too early.  You need to go back to sleep.  Lie back down.

And, he does.  I tuck him back in.   Head back to my room.   Climb into bed, close my eyes…

Well, that used to work.  We could actually settle him back down and buy ourselves at least 1/2 hour more sleep, sometimes more.  Unfortunately, Little Brother’s brain is developing (well, I mean of course that is actually fortunate that his brain is developing but you know what I mean), and he’s figured out how to manipulate the situation to get his way.   So, now?

Climb back into bed, close my eyes and…


I storm in.  Open the door.

I’m serious, J!  You need to go to sleep!

…and then he’ll drop a little hammer on my heart.  He has a few hammers from which to choose.  Depends on his mood.

1.  But, I’m sooooo hungry! —  For some ridiculous reason Little Brother has recently decided to only eat one meal a day.  Of course, I still present him with three squares.  He just ignores two of the three.   Awesome.   Luckily, Big Brother is growing like a weed and would eat 100 meals a day if I let him.  He’s never met a leftover pb&j that he didn’t like.  So, when Little Brother complains of hunger from his crib?  Well, of course you’re hungry, little monster.  You had two blueberries for dinner last night.  But, I’m your mother and I can’t let you starve so, fine.  Get up then, little hungry bird.  Good morning.

2.   I miss Daddy so much! — Which is such a farce.  I mean, he loves his Dad terribly but this is a total ploy.  His Dad is home at a very reasonable hour almost every night.  We’re very lucky.  But, Little Brother knows his Dad isn’t home in the mornings.  He also knows his Mom is a total sucker when he plays the “I Want My Daddy” card.  So, fine.   Get up then, sweet boy.  Good morning.

3.   But, I’m poopy! I swear the child has learned to crap on command.  This is his last resort.  Because he knows I’m a total freak about dirty diapers and there’s no way I’m leaving him in there smelling up his room and sitting in his feces.  And, by the time I go in there, pull him out of his crib and change him, I know we are both far too awake to get back to sleep.   So, fine.  Get up then, stinky.  Good morning.

Gotta run.  Off to Target for room-darkening curtains.

And maybe some ear plugs.

Is it nap time yet?

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Ok.  We’ll consider this a running list.

1) If I come visit your house and your toilet paper runs from the bottom of the roll instead of up and over the top, I will change it.  I will.
2) I might snore.  He says I do but he might just say that because he knows it mortifies me to hell to think it actually might be true.
3) I have a pair of UGG boots and I have no idea whether I’m supposed to tuck the jeans in or wear the jeans out (you can’t Google this sh*t with any reliability).  So, I alternate and just hope that the right people see me at the right times.  That’s probably not likely to be happening for me, is it?
4) I ignore the phone.  Like, almost always.   And, I know that most people who call me probably know I’m home because I live on a busy road, people see my car, I have a very predictable schedule and, well, I almost never go anywhere.  But, don’t take it personally.  It’s not you.  It’s me.
5) I am incapable of going to bed with dishes in the sink.  Can not do it.  So, when you’re a guest for dinner or here for a weekend, don’t be offended if I ignore you for a bit after dinner while I clean up.  I will be much better company when it’s done.  If it really bothers you, then let me know because I’ll probably need to stop inviting you over.  And, if I’m being completely honest, it makes me a little uncomfortable if I’m an overnight guest at your house and you leave dishes in the sink overnight.  I know.  Issues.  Oh well.

To be continued…

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