Posts Tagged ‘Bernie’

Nothing of much importance to say today.  Just a little of this and a little of that.

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I married a man who believes a week-long family vacation in an RV is a great idea.  I’ve been fighting it tooth and nail since the day we married.   Remember in my last post I referred to Husband as Clark, as in Clark Kent?  Well, apparently there’s a little Clark, as in Griswald, too.   It all sounds god-awful to me, frankly, what with the bugs, the cold nights, cramped spaces and all.  If I’m in a car for a long time, it’s so that I can get somewhere I really want to be.   Like, a suite with a Heavenly Bed and room service.  Lord knows, I don’t really want to be at a campsite surrounded by a bunch of other RV’ers.

Unfortunately, wise Husband has Big Brother all fired up about the idea and whatever Big Brother wants, Little Brother wants so…sigh…I’m out numbered by three boys I love.  It appears to be happening sometime in July.  I’m trying to look at the bright sides.

  • It’s bound to produce decent blog content.
  • He’ll owe me.  Big.
  • There are a good two months between the trip and the start of school.  Which means the entire trip will be long forgotten and is, therefore, unlikely to make it into the kids’ “What I Did On My Summer Vacation” stories.

Stay tuned, folks.

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Cutie pie Lee DeWyze won American Idol.  Which I love.  Because I was all about Lee DeWyze.  I was all about him despite the fact that he got completely screwed in the season finale with stupid, lame-o songs.  Telling someone they need to raise the energy level and then asking them to sing “Everybody Hurts” is like telling a birthing mother to relax during a contraction.  Shut up.  Not cool.

You go, Lee.   Atta boy.

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Howard Stern should be the next American Idol judge.

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No one loves Paula Abdul more than Paul Abdul loves Paula Abdul.

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Big Brother starts kindergarten next year.  I’m sure I’ll get all sentimental about this for you in upcoming blogs…probably sometime after I get over the fact that I just sent in my check for public school kindergarten tuition.   Did you catch that?  Public school.  Tuition.  Makes me a little crazy.

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I’m getting old.  Today I discovered that Samantha from “Sex & the City” and I finally have something in common.  If you’re a fan, you’ll know what I mean.  If you aren’t, I’m not spelling it out for you.

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This dopey dog on my floor made me laugh today.

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This poor bird in the Gulf made me want to cry.

What the hell is going on?  How can this still be getting worse?   It’s unfathomable.

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I wish I was friends with Brody Jenner.  Husband laughs at me about this but he totally wants to be friends with Pat Sajak which I think makes him even geekier that I am.

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I think NBC is afraid to tell Jerry Seinfeld that The Marriage Ref sucks.

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Why is it that my 5-year old, while peeing, will look all around in every other direction but is apparently incapable of actually looking down at where the hell he’s pointing that thing?  Good Lord, child.  Pay attention.

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Happy Memorial Day weekend, everyone.  Try to take just a little break from all the awesomeness that is the official start of summer and remember our fallen soldiers.

Enjoy it.

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Awesome.  Thanks.

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Are you ready?

I’m the one with the solution to the Gulf Oil Crisis.  Not BP.   Not Kevin Costner.  Right here.  Me.

Did you know they’ve put out an all points bulletin for pet hair?  Because pet hair is crazy absorbent when it comes to oils.

Well, Petco can just settle right the heck down.  Because I’m sending this guy.

Well.  Once he wakes up, I mean.

Because Bernie, aka Lazy Labrador, aka the Under-Retriever, is top dog when it comes to shedding.  He’s the BEST.

I promise you, BP, this is all you need.  One giant dog brush (I suggest the FURminator), a leash of some sort and downwind water access.  He could go all day.  And twice on Sunday.

Oh, but one little thing.  Don’t set him up too close to the shoreline because…well…he’s afraid of water.   Yup.  That’s our lab.

We’ll miss you, Bern.

Now, go save the world.

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What smell?!

Pretty sure the Lazy Labrador got sprayed by a skunk last night right before bedtime.

When we let him out, he raced down the deck stairs, there was a big ruckus with lots of barking and then the distinctly pungent “eu de skunk” wafted up at us.   We called him inside, I gave him a perfunctory sniff on the head and gave him the all clear.

But, he sleeps in Big Brother’s room.  And, when I went in there this morning, it kinda smells like Pepe Le Pew took a little nap in BB’s beloved robot bed.

Seriously, though.  Dealing with buying tomato juice, setting up an outside hose, trapping the only Labrador in the world who hates water, then washing, rinsing, completely soaking myself…?


What smell?  I don’t smell anything.

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Big Brother has discovered that Little Brother is, in fact,  not actually “good for nothing.”  In fact, he is rather good for a few things.

He’s an excellent retriever. Unlike our dog (a Yellow Labrador non-Retriever), Little Brother is very useful when it comes to fetching things for Big Brother.

BB:   Hey, J.  Want to go get me a granola bar?

LB:  Yeah! (Hustles out of the room.  Delighted.)

He’s a good spectator. While Big Brother adamantly refuses to allow Little Brother to actually participate in most games, he does encourage cheerleading.   Preferably with as much clapping, jumping and shouting “Yay, Big Brother!” as humanly possible for a little dude.   Reporting feats of excellence back to Mom and Dad is also encouraged and rewarded….with more spectating.

He’s good for the sympathy vote with Mom and Dad. Big Brother is totally onto the fact that if he’s actually kind to his Little Brother, Mom and Dad will eat. it. up.  And, good things tend to come when Mom and Dad get all proud and teary-eyed about acts of brotherly love.   Last night at the dinner table:

BB:  But, J.  You really need to eat your peas so you’ll get big and strong.  They’re really good, I promise.  Look, see?  I had one. Yum!  You should have one now.  Really!  Yuuuummmmmmmm!

(Sideways glance to ensure Mom is still watching.)

My son might win an Oscar some day.

He eagerly accepts the passed buck. Big Brother has a few chores around the house.  He feeds the dog, he makes his bed and he is expected to pick up his clothes and get them into his laundry basket.   He is also expected not to leave toys, shoes and billions of tiny Legos lying around the house.   Recently, a lightbulb went off over Big Brother’s head and he decided his little brother would probably like to assist, contribute, do all the chores instead.    After school the other day, I asked BB to please pick his jacket off the floor and put his shoes in his room.

“J!”   Big Brother calls out for Little Brother.

Little:  What?  What?  (Running in from the other room)  What, W?  You want me, W?

BB: You want to pick up my coat and my…?

Mom:   No, no, no — he certainly will not!

BB:   But, Mommmmm!  He really, really wants to!  Look how excited he is!”

And, he was right.  Little Brother looked up at me with those big brown eyes, practically begging me to let him carry Big Brother’s shoes.

BB:   See?

Me:   (sigh)   Fine.  Carry his shoes.

I guess we pick our battles.

Outsmarted by my five-year old.   It won’t be the last time.

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This Sleepy Dog

These fragrant flowers that were all picked from my front yard yesterday.

The Weekend Forecast

AND, the fact that this has started recording on my TiVo.

Woot!  Woot!

Is it nap time yet?

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