Confessions of a Serial Swooper

Nothing of much importance to say today.  Just a little of this and a little of that.

* * * * *

I married a man who believes a week-long family vacation in an RV is a great idea.  I’ve been fighting it tooth and nail since the day we married.   Remember in my last post I referred to Husband as Clark, as in Clark Kent?  Well, apparently there’s a little Clark, as in Griswald, too.   It all sounds god-awful to me, frankly, what with the bugs, the cold nights, cramped spaces and all.  If I’m in a car for a long time, it’s so that I can get somewhere I really want to be.   Like, a suite with a Heavenly Bed and room service.  Lord knows, I don’t really want to be at a campsite surrounded by a bunch of other RV’ers.

Unfortunately, wise Husband has Big Brother all fired up about the idea and whatever Big Brother wants, Little Brother wants so…sigh…I’m out numbered by three boys I love.  It appears to be happening sometime in July.  I’m trying to look at the bright sides.

• It’s bound to produce decent blog content.
• He’ll owe me.  Big.
• There are a good two months between the trip and the start of school.  Which means the entire trip will be long forgotten and is, therefore, unlikely to make it into the kids’ “What I Did On My Summer Vacation” stories.

Stay tuned, folks.

* * * * *

Cutie pie Lee DeWyze won American Idol.  Which I love.  Because I was all about Lee DeWyze.  I was all about him despite the fact that he got completely screwed in the season finale with stupid, lame-o songs.  Telling someone they need to raise the energy level and then asking them to sing “Everybody Hurts” is like telling a birthing mother to relax during a contraction.  Shut up.  Not cool.

You go, Lee.   Atta boy.

* * * * *

Howard Stern should be the next American Idol judge.

* * * * *

No one loves Paula Abdul more than Paul Abdul loves Paula Abdul.

* * * * *

Big Brother starts kindergarten next year.  I’m sure I’ll get all sentimental about this for you in upcoming blogs…probably sometime after I get over the fact that I just sent in my check for public school kindergarten tuition.   Did you catch that?  Public school.  Tuition.  Makes me a little crazy.

* * * * *

I’m getting old.  Today I discovered that Samantha from “Sex & the City” and I finally have something in common.  If you’re a fan, you’ll know what I mean.  If you aren’t, I’m not spelling it out for you.

* * * * *

This dopey dog on my floor made me laugh today.

* * * * *

This poor bird in the Gulf made me want to cry.

What the hell is going on?  How can this still be getting worse?   It’s unfathomable.

* * * * *

I wish I was friends with Brody Jenner.  Husband laughs at me about this but he totally wants to be friends with Pat Sajak which I think makes him even geekier that I am.

* * * * *

I think NBC is afraid to tell Jerry Seinfeld that The Marriage Ref sucks.

* * * * *

Why is it that my 5-year old, while peeing, will look all around in every other direction but is apparently incapable of actually looking down at where the hell he’s pointing that thing?  Good Lord, child.  Pay attention.

* * * * *

Happy Memorial Day weekend, everyone.  Try to take just a little break from all the awesomeness that is the official start of summer and remember our fallen soldiers.

Enjoy it.