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Posts Tagged ‘Little Brother’

And Now The World Can Stop.

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on March 5, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Just emerged from seven long days in which the kids and I were violently, repeatedly sick.

But, now Husband has a cold.

Commence Armageddon.

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Jason Mraz Stole My Toothbrush

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , on March 1, 2010| 2 Comments »

My two year old is obsessed with Jason Mraz.  I know.  Weird.  But, he totally is.  We Tivo’d “Farm Air Presents Jason Mraz” and I’m not kidding when I tell you that Little Brother wants to watch it every hour of every day.   And, while we were in Hell this week, I swear we must have watched Jason Mraz sing “I’m Yours” three hundred and ninety-seven times.  Roughly.

And, Jason Mraz is now ever present in our conversations, too.  For example:

In the car from the backseat:

“Where are we going, Mommy?”
“Just a few errands.”
“Jason Mraz’ house?”

Or, the other night when Big Brother was miserably sick and Little Brother was still blissfully healthy and we found Little Brother using Big Brother’s toothbrush:

“No, no, no!  J., where’s your toothbrush?”
“Umm.  Jason Mraz.”
“Jason Mraz has your toothbrush?!”

It could certainly be worse, I suppose.  If it were Big Brother (a victim of my Magic 106.7 tendencies), Taylor Swift might stop in for visit and then I’d get all self-conscious and have to brush my hair or something to hold Husband’s attention.

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“I Fell Into a Burning Ring of Fire…”

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , on March 1, 2010| 2 Comments »


…I went down, down, down
And the flames went higher.

Did you miss me?   Well, I’ve been away.  I went on a six day walkabout through Hell.  Hades.  The Underworld.   Old Dante had nothin’ on me.

And Hell hath no fury like a stomach bug passed along from a five year old to a two year old within a very loooooong six day span.

Ah, where to begin?  How about this?  If I asked you to name the locations at which you would least like your children to throw up you’d probably say…?

#1.  Their beds?   Course.

#2.  Your bed?  Oh, yes.   A few times, in fact.

#3.  Inside a friend’s car?  Charming.  How to make friends and influence people…

#4.  On your computer?!  Awesome.  (As you all can imagine, this was the worst for me.  It happened on day one of my six-days in Hell and oohh, it hurt.  Funeral rites were performed.  And the replacement was not cheap.)

I won’t go into any more detail.  Suffice to say that it was all hideous and stinky and awful and I felt very sorry for my kids and even more sorry for myself.

I hear it rained?  We had a little wind?  What happened to Boner?  There was a hockey game?

But, the boys appear to have come out of the dark, dark place and into the light and onward we go.  School for Big Brother today, grocery store for Little Brother and me, life returns.

My washing machine desperately needs a day off.   So, do I.

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A Typical Saturday

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on February 21, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Grocery shopping
Rock throwing
Life’s alright…

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Dear So and So…

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2010| 2 Comments »

Dear So and So...
Dear Market Basket Store Manager,
I want to keep coming back, really I do.  Your prices are far better than my local stores and even somewhat better than your chain competitors.  It’s worth it financially for me.  But, man oh man.  It’s a rough trip.  And, I’m all for exposing my children to the filth diversity of your plentiful clientele, but not willing to expose them to scurvy.   Where are the Handi-Wipes?  And the mouth masks?   It frightens me.  Really.
In Cleanliness,
Swooper
_____
Dear Dog,
You know we love you, right?  Hate your hair.  Hate it.  Hate it on my wood floors, hate it on my black clothes, really hate it on my bed.  I know we let you sleep there for six years but it was a lot cuter when you were 10 lbs than it is now that you’re 80 lbs and shedding.  Get off.  You have your own bed.  Use it.   There’s a pound around the corner and, I promise you, their cold, dank floors are not as comfy as your Orvis bed.
Sincerely,
The One Who Feeds You
_____
Dear Husbands,
Big, heavy bags left at the bottom of staircases mean “pick me up and deliver me to where I belong.”
Sincerely,
The One Who Feeds The Dog Who Is Quickly Running Out of His Kibbles & Bits
_____
Dear DJ Lance Rock,
Your show is weird.  Just plain weird.  You’re the Telletubbies of my kids generation.  I don’t get it.  Kids love you.  Grown-ups?  Not so much.  And, don’t let the Brad Pitt thing go to your head.  He dresses like a homeless person most of the time so your orange jumpsuit was an upgrade.   As soon as I can get my hands on the DVR remote, your days are numbered.
“Yooooooo!  It’s Almost Time To Go!”,
Swooper
_____
Dear Libido,
OK.  Kids sleeping through the night.  Lost some weight.  Settled into my new home.  Come on back, old friend.  Welcome.
I’ll Leave the Door Unlocked,
Swooper
_____
Dear Oil of Olay,
I’ve been using you every day since I was 14.  So, if you’re not helping me look younger too and I’m a wrinkled old raisin at 60, I’m coming after you.   And, $4.59 once every two months for 46 years ain’t gonna be cheap.   Just sayin’.
With the Better Business Bureau On My Speed Dial,
Swooper

_____

Dear Evan Lysacek,
Saw an interview with you yesterday in which you explained how you aren’t like all the other male skaters.  That you are, in fact, quite masculine (gasp).   Here’s a tidbit from your interview:


“I think I’m bringing an element of style and showing that this is my idea of what a modern man should dress like and look like,” Lysacek explains. “It can still be stylish, but [also] be masculine at the same time.”


Here’s what you wore last night for the Short Program.

Are those curly q’s on your shoulder blades?  Feathers on your fists?


Uh huh.

Thanks for the laugh,
Swooper

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The Perfect Storm

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , on February 16, 2010| Leave a Comment »

35 degrees.   School vacation week.  About an hour before naps.

Perfect.
        
Go nuts, my little men.  Go nuts.

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Making The Grade

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , on February 16, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Last week my boys each got a progress report from their Nursery School.  Each report was good.  Certainly nothing to worry about.  Both are performing all tasks relative to their ages.  Big Brother speaks softly but often.  Little Brother still has a little issue with Mommy-separation at drop off but then has a wonderful time about 5 seconds after I’m out the door.

A typical Mom, I, of course, felt that they should have received Above Average scores across the board but I’m their Mom so maybe I’m just a teeny tiny bit biased.  

And then we went away to CT for the long weekend.  Bernie, our six year old yellow lab, stayed at a nearby kennel.  Where he’s a bit of a regular.  It’s pretty posh as far as kennels go, though, and we’re pretty sure they like him there.   Yesterday at pick-up they handed me the usual details on his stay with them — a doggie report card, if you will.  

And, well….compare for yourselves.   Here they are.

KIDS:

DOG:
Hmmm…perhaps we need to refocus our efforts a bit.

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My Glass is Half Full

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , on February 10, 2010| 1 Comment »

My two-year-old was asked to build a snowman with construction paper and glue in pre-school the other day.  Handed all the appropriate parts (a hat, a nose, black buttons and three white snowballs) here’s what came home.

Clearly, we have a budding Jackson Pollock on our hands.  
No?

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Disney Nuggets Part Four – “A Million Little Shoes”

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , on February 8, 2010| Leave a Comment »

We’re done having kids.  Officially.  We made the decision to call it quits after our second and, as I was having a scheduled c-section, the logistics around closing up shop were simple.  My family is complete.

Two boys.  Three years apart.  And, at ages 5 and 2, they are becoming closer friends every day.  They worship Dad but need Mommy.  They snuggle and love and climb up onto my lap and they give me everything I have ever needed and allow me now to sit back with a contented sigh and say, “Yup.  This is it.  All I need.”
And, really, I have not for one honest moment, had a second thought about the decision not to expand the clan further.  I mean, sure, I love the feeling of a sleeping baby on my chest, the smell of their hair, the sound of their gentle breath.  But, most of time I remember that I’m terrified that their gel-like necks will break, that they’ll wake up and wail or that colic will force me to the local pharmacy for Xanax.  I adore children but babies, more or less, terrify me.  And, frankly, Ross and I are finally getting real sleep again (until 8 am on Saturday!).  We have trusted sitters and can go out to dinner without worry.   I can take a shower when both kids are awake and know that they won’t choke on a marble while I’m gone.  We’re about six months from never changing a diaper again.  We’re in the groove.  Start over?   No, thank you.
But, we went on vacation last week with some friends.  They also had two kids.  A little boy who was all boy.   Like, banging into walls, rough and tumble, crazy, funny little man.   A boy.  
But.   They also had Alex.  And, Alex is “little girl” without being excessively girly.  She’s sweet but not wimpy.   She was chatty but not precocious.  She was 3 1/2 but kept right up with my 5 year old.  She took a liking to Ross, which melted my heart over and over again — snuggling up to him on the couch, dog-paddling him down in the pool, giggling at his attention.  I don’t know how many times I picked up teeny, tiny little princess doll shoes and scooped them into a small pile and I loved it every time.  A little girl.  Cutie pie.  Her parents have done a nice job with her.  And, I was, admittedly, a little jealous.   
I bought her a little pink princess bracelet at Disney and could have gotten her about a million other little things throughout the trip.  Because there are so many cute girl things out there in little person land.  And basically nothing for boys if you aren’t desperately seeking some ridiculous sailor suit or a black t-shirt with hideously gaudy designs.
Still, I’m reminded of one of my very favorite lines about having boys versus girls.  It came to me from a male friend in Vermont who has only daughters.  A father of two boys once said to him:
“You know what, man?  I have to worry about two penises.  But, YOU have to worry about the rest of them.”
I wouldn’t change my mind, of course.  I love my boys madly and they (in the cheezy words of Jerry Maguire) complete me.   They have completed our little family.  But, last week, for just a few moments…
A girl.  
Shoot.

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I resolve…

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2010| 1 Comment »

…to get with the program again after two long weeks of not Watching my Weight. This includes but is not limited to refusing any and all invitations from my sweet children to “have some, Mommy?” when the item in question comes from the frozen foods section or comes with a packet of bright orange powder.

…to get out all of my thank-you notes all my non-family thank-you notes by the end of this week. Firstly, this includes the friends who love me best and do not give my children presents with 750-easy to assemble pieces or anything with sand, doh or marbles in the packaging. Secondly, I suppose, it will also include the friends who my children love best because they didn’t give a damn what I thought about the mess their awesome gifts would create. To those devil woman friends of mine who fall in the latter category…just wait ’til next year when your kid gets a drum set from Aunt Swooper.
…to hug more, yell less. There were many, many crazy moments over the last two weeks in which my boys were racing around the house like whirling dervishes, chanting synchronized nonsense at the top of their lungs together. Together. And, much of the time I was shushing them or telling them to stop touching each other. Touching each other. And when it got really “bad”, I was even threatening time-outs to separate them. Separate them?   No.  Perspective.  Deep breaths.  Perspective.
…to wear lingerie, matching, prettier under garments.  ‘Nuff said.
…to do something other than home chores on my child-free Tuesday and Thursday morning. Ideally, something at the gym that involves sweat, my iPod and sneakers. Where are those things, anyway?
…to host a party little get together.  Because we owe people and because I’m social. Best start working on Husband now about that. (see resolution listed two up from here)
…to forgive. And realize that people are rarely capable of dramatic personality change (particularly those of an older generation). Faced with too many untimely deaths of late, it’s time I get a clue and take the hint. It may not be the conventional relationship but he loves me. He does. And, I him.
…to stop giving a hoot about Facebook, Farmville, Fish World and Cafe World and pretending that Big Brother is the one most interested in them.  “Hey, Big Brother!  It’s almost bedtime!  Have you harvested the watermelons?!”   Really, Swooper?

…to be more grateful for the life I’ve been given.  To look my husband in the eye every day more often and let him know how much I love being a stay at home Mom and how much I appreciate how hard he works to make this life for us.   To look at my boys and really see them.  Their innocent faces, their tiny hands, their boundless energy and their completely distinct and loving, little personalities.   To embrace them longer, close my eyes and really feel them in my arms.   It won’t be long before they decide I’m totally so uncool.

Happy 2010, everyone.   I wish you all the best.

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