Confessions of a Serial Swooper

On the surface, I think I might appear to be a Mom that has her sh*t together.  And, by that, I don’t mean in a “how does she look so pulled together” kind of way cause that is certainly not a sentence that crosses people’s minds as I arrive at school drop-off wearing yesterdays jeans, a fleece jacket and dark circles under my eyes.  I have no holy idea how to wear make-up and I probably will never learn.

But, physical looks aside, I think people would think me an organized person.   My career pre-Mommyhood was with a major financial institution where I was an event planner.  If something was worth writing down, it was done so in color-coordinated ink, three hole punched and snapped into a binder.   I’m a Room Parent to Big Brother’s kindergarten and I read once a month to Little Brother’s pre-school class.  I’m on the Executive Board of the PTO and, if my iPhone was a man, Husband would accuse me of adultery.  And, he’d be right.   I love my Day Planner so much that I actually have the times that Big Brother is in school written in on every day.  As though I might wake up on a random Wednesday morning, wonder what we were going to do that day, look at my planner and say “Oh, look!  BB has school today!  Good thing I checked our schedule!”   That’s the kind of freaky planner I am.

Lately, though I’ve been really off my organizational game.

I could blame the holidays.  I could blame my advancing age (40 this year…ugh).  I could blame the fact that I probably over-schedule my kids.

But, I don’t blame any of those things.

I blame the lunch ladies.

Really.   I do.  They’ve been messing with me.  Big time.

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The week before Thanksgiving, I mentioned to Husband that Big Brother had a half day on Wednesday.  Husband stated that he thought that was a little odd since wouldn’t they probably have a half day next Wednesday (the day before Thanksgiving) instead of this Wednesday?  Was it possible I was mistaken?  Oh no, I said.  It’s in my calendar.  And, if it’s in my calendar then you can bet it’s true.

So, along rolls Wednesday and I arrive at Big Brother’s school a little before noon.  I’m chronically early so it didn’t really surprise me that I was the only one.

You know where this is going, don’t you?

12:00.  12:05.  12:10.

No sign of any other parents, let alone kids.   I called the school from the parking lot.

“Isn’t it a half day today?”

“No, no.  Next Wednesday.”

What happened?  How had my planner failed me?

I assumed I was at fault until a friend mentioned to me that I was the second person she’d heard had done that.  I got to the bottom of it when I looked at the silly school lunch calendar.  The school lunch calendar that I compulsively print out at about 12:01am on the first day of the month.  I pin it to our cork board, write all the early release dates in my book and that’s that.

It’s hard to read but here you go.

So, I’m not insane.

They probably noticed the mistake on their calendar almost right away and corrected it online.  But “almost right away” is too late when you’re dealing with compulsive, crazies like myself.

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Take Two.

As I mentioned casually in an early post, Little Brother and I got whacked by a stomach bug the week before Christmas.  It was hideous and it literally overtook our little town.  Facebook was loaded with Moms completely stressed about the idea of sick kids at Christmas.  Awful.

Anyway, Little Brother got the bug on the Saturday night before Christmas.  He was mostly better by Sunday night.  Predictably, it hit me (hard) overnight on Sunday.  I was up all night and still miserable Monday morning.  Husband went into work a little late and took Big Brother to school so I could stay in my pajamas and lay low.  Little Brother and I faced a looooong day of lying around watching seemingly endless episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba and Toy Story 2 on the DVR.  Which was just fine with me.

By 11, I wasn’t feeling much better so I emailed Husband, preparing him for the 2:30 pickup at Big Brother’s school.

I’m not usually all that dramatic about my own sickness (although I’m extremely dramatic when my kids are sick) but this was an exception.  I was miserable.

“I just can’t imagine I’ll be able to get out of the house.”  I typed.  “I’m still feeling sick.  It’s horrible.”

“I’m on it,”  he kindly replied.  “Keep me posted.”

A little before noon, I finally got Little Brother down for a nap.  I pulled all the shades in our bedroom, cranked up the heat and crawled under the covers.  Ahhhhh.

By 12:10, my eyes were falling and…

Ring!  Ring!  Ring!

My caller ID told me it was Big Brother’s school.  Sh*t.

His teacher on the phone.

“Oh, no.”  I answered.  “Is Big Brother sick, too?”

“No, don’t worry” she said.  “He’s fine…but, today we had a noon dismissal.”

So…if I offended anyone with my noxious breath, my pajama bottoms or the fact that I practically drove my car directly into the front door of the school on Monday, December 20th?  If anyone thought less of me as they watched Big Brother looking sad and lonely as he waited for his delinquent Mom to come pick him up?

Don’t blame me.

Blame the lunch ladies and their clearly-not-to-be-trusted online calendar.

They’re totally out to get me.

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Oh, and yes.  I’ve stopped planning schedules based on the lunch calendar.