Confessions of a Serial Swooper

As I’ve mentioned before (ad nauseum?), I’m an only child.  Sibling dynamics (the rivalries, the camaraderie, the loyalty, the cruelty) are completely lost on me.  I am a reluctant work-in-progress as mother referee to the whole big brother versus little brother battles.  And the battles are endless.

More than anything, I’m floored by how desperately Little Brother wants to be loved by Big Brother.  His first words each day, standing in his crib at 7:15 in the morning, are a request to see his Big Brother.   After a change and some clothes, the worship begins.  He wanders down the hall in search of his brother and spends the rest of the day following him, asking questions, begging to be included in whatever (and I do mean whatever — it could be peeing, I swear) activity in which his brother is involved at the moment.   I, of course, think this behavior is the sweetest thing in the whole wide world.  What I would have given, I think to myself.  How I yearned for a constant playmate! Big Brother’s view on it?  Not quite as rosy.

And, if I look at it from his perspective?  Well, of course, it’s annoying.  A shadow.  No time alone.  Three years of solitude, all Mom and Dad’s attention and then…wham!…along comes this creature and now Big Brother is asked to constantly share and play nice and be gentle and…oh, man, the crying! If there’s one area in which Little Brother excels, it’s turning on the waterworks.  And, I’m sure much of the time it’s just drama.  Regardless, Big Brother gets the brunt of the chaos repercussions.  What happened?! I rant.  Did you push him?  Were you playing too rough?  He’s only two!  I need you to be the big kid, ok?! And, every time I’m just so shocked and sad to see that Big Brother, usually such a sweet kid, can actually be pretty mean sometimes when it comes to his brother.

My husband, a Big Brother himself, completely understands that side of the equation.  He’s all in favor of a “Let them work it out” philosophy.  But, to me?   When working it out involves a David and a Goliath, I just don’t think it’s a fair fight.

And David just wants to be loved.  And included.  And Goliath just, well…Goliath just stomps on the little sucker and walks away?  Nope.  Not in my house.

Sometimes I try to appeal to Big Brother’s not so finely developed sense of forethought.  For example, Just you wait!  Someday, Little Brother could be bigger than you.  And, then how would you like it if he just whacked you? Or, I try a different approach and go with You know, you’re lucky to have a brother.  And, someday Little Brother might just decide he doesn’t want to play with you anymore.  How would that feel? And, to that he answers honestly. That would be great!

Because Big Brother is no fool.  And, unfortunately, he’s learned that if he hurts his little brother a little bit (emotionally or physically), it really doesn’t seem to matter.  Because, Big Brother has discovered that Little Brother has absolutely no short-term memory.  None.  Little Brother cries, runs to Mom, Mom makes Big Brother go to his room for a bit.  And you know what happens the entire time that Big Brother is in his room?  Little Brother is crying to see him.  And, asking when he can come out.   Ultimately, Big Brother is released and asked to come out and apologize and it goes like this:

Sorry for doing that, Little Brother.

To which Little Brother replies “I sorry, too.  Play wit me now?”

Breaks my heart.  Partially because I know it will happen all over again in roughly 15 minutes.

This is my day.

I just hope Little Brother develops that short-term memory at some point.  You know, so he doesn’t wind up like this guy.

Saturday Night Live – Mr. Short Term Memory (click it)