October 25, 2010
Dear Little Brother,
It’s hard to know where to start in writing a letter to you in honor of your third birthday. There’s so much I want you to know about how special you are to us and how proud we are of you (and your brother) each and every day.
I’ll start with telling you that Daddy and I are somewhat selfish people (surprise!). We always knew we wanted to have a family together but we also knew that having a baby was going to seriously alter our relationships with things we thought we cared deeply about — like our sleep, our social life and our one-on-one relationship with each other. So, when your big brother was born in 2004 (and sure enough, things changed), he lit up our lives with happiness and love. But, we weren’t all that sure there would be another baby to follow.
Don’t get me wrong. We never once regretted giving those things up to start a family. But, it wasn’t easy. Your big brother was colicky, I had a bout with postpartum depression, broke my foot and things were a bit of a mess for a while. We pulled through it, of course, and by the time we moved to Vermont your brother was six months old, I was a happy Mommy (and a walking Mommy) again and our life as a family of three settled into a wonderful little routine.
Your grandparents (Marnie and Jeff) had just one child — me. And while there are hundreds of stereo-types and psychological studies about lonely, spoiled only children, I never once felt cheated out of a sibling. I had many friends and a busy social life. I never felt lonely and I certainly never felt spoiled (does anyone?). So, to me, the idea of having just one child was perfectly acceptable.
Your other grandparents (Grammie and Grampy) had two children — Daddy and Uncle “Mickey”. Daddy and Mickey enjoyed life as brothers to the fullest. They had (and still have) an eternal playmate in one another as they grew up with backyard games, team sports and the ever-present sibling rivalries.
I respected the bond they shared. I loved the stories they shared about growing up together. I loved that, in my marriage to your Dad, I gained a brother for myself.
But, I never envied them.
I never felt I needed a sibling of my own.
So, therefore, I never felt that your Big Brother needed one either.
Then Grampy died.
And, it was horrible and unexpected and so so sad.
We shed so many tears and, although four years have passed, I think your Grammie and Daddy and Uncle Mickey sometimes feel as though Grampy was with us just yesterday. He was a wonderful man.
Suddenly, there was so much to do. So much to think about. So much grief and so many memories. So many details to handle and support to give.
Your Daddy and your Uncle were amazing. They found their way through those first dark days of rushing back home to Grammie, planning services, greeting friends and I can’t imagine how they got through it. I’ll never know for sure.
But, I do know this.
They did it together.
At the most painful time in their lives, they got through it (and continue to get through it) by leaning on each other. When Daddy was sad, Mickey was strong. When Mickey was sad, there was Daddy by his side.
And, suddenly, I looked at siblings differently. I looked at family differently.
Grampy died on October 21, 2006.
You, my sweet boy, were born on October 25, 2007.
Your big brother welcomed you with open arms.
It’s truly impossible to imagine we ever could have lived without you.
__________
This morning, as you slept in a little, your Big Brother was up at his usual 6 am. He emerged from his room, enjoyed the breakfast I left out for him, watched a little Curious George and drew you a picture. He slipped it into an envelope, tucked it under your door and waited for you to discover it.
Happy Birthday, sweet Little Brother.
We love you more than words can say.
xoxo,
Mom
Teary eyed!!
How sweet…Do you know I actually contemplated having a 3rd child in case something happened to one of my girls…My husband said “So you want an heir and a spare, and another spare in case the second doesn’t work out?”
We decided to stick with two.
Beautiful! I truly believe that people leave our world so another can be born. So sad about your father-in-law but so happy to have little brother here on earth- xoxo
Great story – made me cry too! We love him for just who he is!
bawling
Oh Cindy, I just loved that piece about little brother. It made me cry! You know I adore your writing. XO
PS – you will be very pleased to know I still wear my LLBean boots from 9th grade. I have had them resoled only once! I have never owned MBs! Don’t know if I every will! 🙂
I can promise you, Maura. I will never own a pair of MBs. Not even the littlest chance. For a lot of reasons. 🙂
Thanks for being such a good fan of the blog. xoxo
Aww, that was wonderful. I have an only child. The first part of your post made me feel so good about it! Then, I read the rest and I am sad that my son won’t likely have that when he is older. I have to stay focused on the positive part of it.
As I mentioned, for me there were SO many great things about being an only child. You’re right to focus on that. I’m sure that, like MY parents, you’re making an amazing life for your only.
That was beautiful! There are positive and negatives to all life situations. Having just gone through the death of my father, I have to say I wholeheartedly agree with you that having a sibling made it much easier to handle.
Happy Birthday, Little Brother!
So sorry, Kim. I dread the day I have to face that alone.
Great story. One of the best you’ve written yet.
Thanks, JoJo.
I just made the exact same decision — to have a second child (after 6 years!), for the exact same reason. My daughter will be 6 years 8 months when her baby brother is born. My husband and I are older parents, I’m 38 and he’s 50, and I couldn’t stand the thought of my daughter going through that pain alone. She enjoys a wonderful, busy, happy life as a singleton, but I look forward to watching her grow and expand her world with a baby brother!
Thanks so much for your feedback, Rachel. And congratulations on the upcoming addition!
I love it! Guess that logic is how we ended up with 4 kids. Someday I hope they will appreciate each other. 😉 you are a gifted writer!